Dethlabyrinth
by Agar
Summary: After watching “The Labyrinth” Toki accidentally wishes Deddybear away to the goblins. Not really a crossover.
1. Is wish de goblins would takes you away!

_**Dethlabyrinth**_

_**by Merytsetesh**_

Rating: PG-13 for language and Skwisgaar's pants.

Summary: After watching "The Labyrinth" Toki accidentally wishes Deddybear away to the goblins.

Disclaimer: Metalocalypse/Dethklok are the property of Brendon Small, Tommy Blacha, and all the other guys at AdultSwim. "The Labyrinth" is the creation of Jim Henson, George Lucas, and other awesome people. This fanfic is just what my brain spewed forth when left uncensored.

* * *

"Fucking jerks!"

Toki stormed into his bedroom and slammed the door shut with a satisfying bang. He was absolutely furious and ready to take out his anger on anything in his way. With a kick to the door for good measure, he stomped over to his bed and belly flopped onto the sheets.

"Stupid gay dildo heads! Always treating me likes a dumb baby, dey won't lets me do anything," he raged into his pillow.

They, of course, being his band mates. Toki had been been in the middle of watching the weirdest movie he'd ever seen when they had walked in and changed the channel. Nothing he said could get them to change it back.

"Buts it has monsters and dis big maze thing where some pretty girl was chased by a meat grinder!"

"Toki, puppets are for kids," Nathan explained slowly, though the meat grinder part did sound pretty awesome. "They're not metal. Actually, they're like the least metal thing ever. Except for that one in the Saw movies."

As the band leader and unquestioned alpha male of Dethklok, what Nathan said was law. Toki left the rec room in a huff, not even realizing he could have finished his movie on a different TV. By the time he reached his room he had gone from irritated to angry.

He pulled Deddybear from his hiding place under the pillows and held him close. "Whys dey got to be so mean to me? Is not a kid!"

But he was, wasn't he? Stuffed animals were for little kids, not metal musicians. His fingers tightened in Deddy's fur.

"Stupid babies toy! Is wish de goblins would takes you away! Den no one could makes fun of Toki!"

Just as he raised his arm to throw the bear into the trash, the bedroom door burst open and a gust of wind nearly knocked him off the bed. He dropped the toy in shock, jaw falling open at what he saw next. In his open doorway stood a tall blond man dressed so outlandishly it took Toki's brain a few seconds to process that it was Skwisgaar. Instead of his usual black top and grey jeans, he wore a billowing black cloak, a poets shirt, and what Pickles liked to call hooker boots. Actually, come to think of it they didn't look all the different from Skwisgaar's regular boots.

"Skwisgaar?! What is you doing here? And why is you dressed like dat?"

Skwisgaar tossed his glitter dusted hair over his shoulder. "I ams de Goblin King."

"Yous look like a lady," Toki snickered.

"_Pfft_, what lady has a cock likes dis?" He gestured a gloved hand towards his crotch that bulged obscenely under the spandex tights.

Toki wrinkled his nose. "Ugh, nobodies need to see dat."

"Whatever," Skwisgaar snorted. "Dats not why Is here. Yous wished your littles crybabies toy away to de goblins and to gets him back yous must complete my labyrinth."

"But Deddybear's right..." Like a cartoon character, Toki did a double take, "...der. Skwisgaar, you asshole!" He jumped to his feet and advanced on the lead guitarist. "Give him back!"

"No." The Goblin King causally stepped out of Toki's warpath, revealing that the doorway he'd been standing in now opened to someplace very different than a Mordhaus hallway. Distracted from strangling Deddy's kidnapper, Toki gaped at the dusty yellow landscape on the other side of his bedroom.

"Yous has thirteen hours to finish de labyrinth and save Deddybear, or Is donating him to de Toys for Tots."

Toki blinked at Skwisgaar. "Thirteen? Whys not twelve?"

"Because thirteen ams more metal."

"Oh. Dat make sense."

When Toki make no move to cross the threshold, Skwisgaar rolled his eyes and went through himself. Not wanting to be left behind, Toki followed and was immediately hit with a blast of warm air and the scent of fresh earth. Skwisgaar's labyrinth immediately drew his attention. The gigantic maze filled his vision, so large it stretched across the entire horizon with no end in sight. From its center rose a magnificent stone castle, the only part that wasn't a tangle of walls and dense forest. His gulped. There was no way he could complete that in thirteen days, much less hours! But Deddy was counting on him to try.

"Wells? What ams yous waiting for?" Skwisgaar snapped. "De clock is ticking!" Then, to Toki's amazement, his profile seems to shimmer and where once Skwisgaar stood was a white owl. Its golden eyes looked at Toki with an air of smug superiority, then flew off with a screech towards the castle in the center of the labyrinth. He watched it leave until the white speck disappeared against the hazy sky.

Head reeling from everything he'd just seen, there was only one thing Toki could say. "Wowie."

* * *

Author's Note: That's it. I don't really want to write the whole movie, just this one scene which I had floating around in my head. However, if I did write the whole thing, this would be the cast:

Toki – Sarah, the plucky yet naïve heroine

Deddybear – Toby, her annoying baby brother

Skwisgaar – Jareth, the cruel and delicious Goblin King

Murderface – Hoggle, the disgruntled gate keeper of the Labyrinth

Nathan – Ludo, the lumbering monster whose bark is worse than his bite

Charles – Sir Didymus, the somewhat confused pint-sized knight

Pickles – Fire Gang, the crazy things that can remove body parts

If anyone wants to pick up where this left off and write more, please have at it. I would love to see it!


	2. Trying to pissch on a fairy

**_Dethlabyrinth II_**

_**by Merytsetesh**_

Rating: PG-13 for language, Murderface, and peeing on things.

Summary: On his quest to save Deddybear from the Goblin King, Toki makes friends with a dwarf named Murderface.

Disclaimer: Metalocalypse/Dethklok are the property of Brendon Small, Tommy Blacha, and all the other guys at AdultSwim. "The Labyrinth" is the creation of Jim Henson, George Lucas, and other awesome people. This fanfic is just what my brain spewed forth when left uncensored.

Author's Notes: I originally wasn't going to continue this, but so many people liked it that I figured a could squeeze out a few more scenes.

* * *

Toki looked up at the fifteen foot walls of the labyrinth in dismay. There was no entrance as far as the eye could see and the stone bricks fit so tightly they left no footholds with which to climb over it. There wasn't even a conveniently located scraggly tree he could use to get a leg up.

"Hows I suppose to finish dis maze if Is can't even gets in? Stupid Skwisgaar forgot to make a door," he muttered irritably.

"'Coursche there'sch a door, numbnutsch," came a rough, lisping voice.

Toki nearly leapt out of his boots he spun around so quickly. Behind him was a squat, hairy little man taking a piss into a muddy puddle. He seems to be aiming at a cluster of small, fluttering things that hissed and sputtered at him as they struggled to crawl out of the muck.

Toki squinted at the dwarf. Something about his rounded middle and head of fuzzy brown hair was familiar. A closer examination revealed an impressive looking dagger was shoved into the belt on his shorts. With a shock Toki realized it was Murderface...just three feet shorter than usual.

"Hey Murderface!" Relieved to see a friendly face (or at least one that wasn't Skwisgaar), Toki joined his band mate beside the puddle, unknowingly breaking the unspoken men's room code of conduct to always leave a urinal sized distance between you and your friend if either had their dick out. They certainly weren't in anything resembling a restroom, but the principle was the same. To his amusement, the bassist only came as high as his bellybutton when they stood side by side.

Toki looked from Murderface's sadistic gap-toothed grin down to his strangely human looking targets. "What is you doing?"

"Trying to pissch on a fairy."

"Why?"

"'Cause I hate them. They bite." A small shriek of disgust came below and the dwarf laughed. "Got another! That'sch my fifty-ninth one thisch week."

Toki supposed biting was a good a reason as any. It wasn't really any different from slapping a mosquito. Actually, the fairies probably had it better than the mosquitos since they only got pissed on, not squished to death. "Can I try?" It looked fun.

"Schure," Murderface shrugged. "Juscht don't pee on the schame one asch me, that would be gay."

As the fairies below squealed in dismay, Toki unzipped his pants and pulled out his penis. He was one of those people who were totally nonchalant about their own nudity, not even realizing there was any reason to be embarrassed. Not that he had anything to be ashamed of, though Toki wasn't entirely sure what that meant. He just knew that Skwisgaar got really pissed the time one of his groupies said it when Toki got out of the hot tub, and anything that made Skwisgaar mad was okay in Toki's book.

Toki wasn't having much luck hitting any of the fairies. Peeing on small objects wasn't a skill he'd spent time developing, though Murderface's success rate suggested he did. It probably helped to be closer to the ground, too. He stopped trying and instead watched the dwarf torment the little ladies in the mud.

That's when he noticed how scary looking Murderface was below the waist. It looked like the victim of a natural disaster or WWII air raid.

The bassist must have felt Toki's eyes on him because he suddenly looked up."What?! Shtop shtaring, I can't go if you're looking!"

"What happen to your ding-dong?"

"I told you the fucking fairesch bite, didn't I?!" Murderface barked.

Toki yelped in fear and shoved himself back into his pants, squeezing his legs shut to keep from wetting himself.

* * *

Author's Note: I apologize right now for what you just read. For the record I would like to state that in the movie Sarah met Hoggle while he was peeing in a puddle, so I didn't just randomly decide everything was better with piss. Apparently Murderface agreed, but he wanted to piss on tiny winged ladies too. Does that count as watersports, even though it wasn't sexual?

Apparently there is an unspoken men's room rule where you don't take the urinal right next to someone unless all the others are taken (I'm a chick, so I've only heard of this). Someone even did a study on it.


End file.
